Imagine this. Your colleague has made a negative comment about your performance at work. The comment is blatantly false. You know it. And so does he.
The question is how do you respond. This is where the use of voice comes in.
Let’s talk about tone when it comes to speaking. Tone includes pitch, intonation, volume, and pace. We’ll briefly look at each one.
Pitch. This is how high or low you go. It is the frequency of vibrations in your vocal cords. When we get agitated, our pitch gets higher.
Intonation is the variation in pitch. A constantly rising intonation for every sentence means you are losing control of your voice. When you are calm and making statements, your intonation should go down. (Think of it as an arrow moving downwards to the full stop of this sentence.)
However, when you are flustered, that arrow points upwards:
How dare you! I will prove it. I never said that.
Note that the in each of these sentences the intonation goes up. Those arrows are hurtling upwards.
Volume: the loudness or softness of your voice. Look at those two monkeys in red ties. You can almost hear them shouting. High volume. Not good for health.
DoyouknowwhatIamgoingtodo? This is our pace when we are flustered. It is as fast as a bullet train. When we are in control of our emotions, our pace is slower.
What would the state of mind be for our monkeys? Mad. Perhaps disoriented. Exasperated. What words would they be using? Yes, emotionally-charged words. And the range of vocabulary may be limited. They would not be able to recollect or use more sophisticated, nuanced words or terms.
Let’s wave a magic wand and make the monkeys more zen like — a different state of mind. Although there is still conflict at office, now their tone of speech is different.
The pitch is lower. Their intonation varies. It does not have to be stable. That would be monotonous. But, it is not shooting up all the time.
The volume dial is somewhere mid-way between loud and soft.
The rate of speech is more controlled. It is more like a regular commuter train. Speeding up, and then slowing down as it reaches the next station.
There may be noticeable pauses as the monkeys mull over a point. Thinking before speaking. Always a good thing.
Guess what is happening? The words the monkeys use have changed. The range of vocabulary is wider. There is a greater variety of words being used. There is more precision in word choice. The language has become more restrained. The monkeys are better able to grasp the situation and work towards a resolution.
How did this happen? Just by a change of tone.
Control your tone, to control your mind. And then (almost magically), the words you use will be more measured, more meaningful.
This technique is not just for heated confrontations, where the stakes are high.
When you are having an intense back and forth with your manager, monitor your tone…
When you are being asked a difficult (maybe even unfair) question while making a presentation, monitor your tone…
When you are disagreeing with friends over politics, monitor your tone…
and you will choose better words.
amalfabian 